Science…

Listen. I’ve heard these songs at more gay bars than you will ever shake a very-gay stick at. I’ve rolled my eyes at Splash!… at Barracuda!!… at Gym Bar!!! I fucking challenge you to be more rolly-eyed. But then something happened and I know exactly when it was: I saw the video for Lady Gaga’s song Paparazzi. If you don’t care about pop music, or more to my point, if you don’t care if your pop music is weird and awesome and not bland then please stop reading. But if you do:

All I’m saying is I was prepared to dismiss her and then I saw this very fancy lady get lifted out of her limo in a bejeweled neckbrace and I changed my mind. It all starts out when she has almost sex with a sexy man who pushes her off a veranda in California. She doesn’t die and after some medical attention is able to show up for… some awesome costume fittings?

First… a retinue of homos in tuxedos prepares her wheelchair:

Then she is gotten out of her limo wearing her bejeweled neckbrace:

Also:

Also more:

So… so… awesome… amIright? And then she wheels herself into the mansion foy-ay. Her minions simply remove her top to reveal a sexy-C-3PO-style gold bustier and she proceeds to dance-hobble out of the wheelchair and dance-walk on her (I’m assuming bejeweled) crutches:

So many important things follow after this entrance… the polka-dotted, purple-maned horse, geisha lips, her exposed buns while dance-lying on the couch, and of course (spoiler alert!) she kills the boyfriend in the most amazing outfit of all. This was the moment that I realized I was deeply onboard for this weird, super-stylized ride. And if you listen to the album it’s actually smart and well produced. After hearing it I think Gwen Stephani made a call to Madonna being all like “that fucking bitch.”

In the words of one of my favorite bloggers on these topics (seriously: fourfour.typepad.com ) “If you enjoy pop music, and Gaga hasn’t won you over yet, you might want to fix that. She’s only getting better. Resistance is futile. You’re wasting time.”

You are wasting time.

Why not try it?

BONUS LINK: Mashup of Just Dance w/ the Eurythmics Believe.